As I sit in the garden, feeling empty, frightened and alone, I close my eyes and begin to pray. “God please tell me what to do.” While I sit there, waiting for some devine presence to step in…hoping to feel the armes of God wrapped around me, to feel him wipe my tears away and tell me everything is as it should be. Tell me that we…that I will be okay.
I feel the intense heat of the sun on my face, I wince from the heat. It was as if I had opened the door to the oven, I half expected to open my eyes and see the brownies cooking to perfection inside. The warmth is familiar, comforting. I’m trying to block everything out and just “be”. I can hear a cricket in my left ear. Is it trying to tell me something? It’s telling me; “Just listen Sherri, don’t think…just listen. All around you life is happening, these plants in the garden will still grow without you. They will grow with you, wherever you are…and so will you.” “It’s not about “where” you are, It’s “who” you are.”
It’s an unusually windy day. I tilt my head back , and raise my chin to feel it’s soft carress on my face. I can feel the earth beneath me, surrounding me, speaking to me. What does it want me to know? “Don’t ask what it means, just go with it”. There is a strange familiarity to that, I’m sure I’ve heard that before but it means something so different now…or does it? I don’t know what it means, but I think I hear what it’s saying…”Change is coming, autumn is upon you…welcome it…embrace it. It’s time to prepare for your hybernation, it will be a tough winter, but I promise you, it won’t be a long one. You will wake up in the spring, you will grow, and with nurturing from yourself and God’s love, you will bloom..”. “Trust me”. It’s saying… “Trust me.”
And then I hear it… “Write Sherri. You must write.” But I don’t know how, I say to myself, It’s too hard. “Just write.”
So, here I am writing….not trying to think about where this is going or what I’m trying to say. I sit here and I “just write”.
Wow! Very thought provoking. I can feel your angst and the life in your magical garden, whispering words of comfort and life to your burdened being. Soak up the rays of warmth, embrace the chirping crickets’ song of solace, lose yourself in the wonderment of God’s creations as you are one of them. Just….be.
I love you, mon cherie!
Girl…Now I truly know we share the same brain….while driving home and viewing all the leaves changing color…I kept thinking of the season of Autumn and how it applies to my life that sometimes the change is necessary….the vibrant colors come forth and then fall one by one to the ground…..and then the tree becomes dormant (or so we think) during the winter…..but the little buds are there and they come out in the spring reaching up with new life.
I know that you are going to get through all the changes you are going through and you will be an even more amazing person for it. And I will promise you that I am here with you through all the changes life throws our way!! I love you so very much!! I have a rock magnet on my refrigerator that says “Be Still” and when my life feels all crazy and up in the air….I focus on that.
<3 Embrace, Grow, Nuture <3
Sherri,
I believe there is a time that we all sit and ponder on life. I have done just what you have said in your blog many of times. I sit and just think and write poetry about life. I always sit in the nature of the world and let it speak back to me. It is clarifying, relaxing and emotionally helpful. It is truly a time of “stopping and smelling the roses” as I sit and watch the life of animals, water, the sun and sky. I wrote a poem once just on changes of seasons and how it relates so much to changes in our lives. I truly believe it is a real sole searching moment and it helps guide us to where and what we want out of life. You focus on the person you want to become and what you want to be. Life is precious and it is all up to us as to the way we live it and what we make out of it. I know you have gone through a lot of changes Sherri, and you need to let your mind wonder and your sole search girl. You have the rest of your life to be happy now and choose to be and do what you want with it. Thank you for sharing your blog with me. I am here for you and am blessed to have become your friend. You are always in my thoughts and I am praying for you and your future. Hold on to God’s wonders and he will help you through. You are a beautiful person and as your talents are revealed to others, you will be amazed at what God has in store for you. I love you<3
I am sorry that you are going through these rough times. It will get better. Just keep the faith.
You are and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love always,
~CJ
Sherri,
Reading your blog really touched my heart. I know of days like that where you just cry out to God and wait, wondering and listening to see if he really is there. And He always shows up to wrap His arms around us and meet us where we are. You wrote with such feeling that I almost felt like I was there right beside you experiencing it with you. I really believe God has his hand on your life. He is stirring up those amazing and wonderful gifts inside of you and as your friend and someone who loves you so much it is beautiful to see. I hate that you are having to go through this, but I know you are getting stronger and you will help someone else from this. I am always scared to write my feelings. Thanks for sharing your heart and blog with us. I feel privileged to be a part of your life. I love you! <3